Being Beta

Exercises in the higher banter with One of 26. Elsewhere called 'poet of adland'. By a whipple-squeezer. Find out why being beta is the new alpha: betarish at googlemail dot com

Friday, January 06, 2017

Listorama: Facebook status updates vol 45

BetaRish is...

C’mon, did you put liberalism behind the sofa? Can’t find it anywhere

Let slip the kittens of poetry!

is debunked

And then time, it must have it’s tithe

This morning a flat white saved my life

is querulous

has been walking in the rain just to get wet on purpose

And then the start came again

will be waiting with a trident and a pint of prawns

Pop went my back; oh how my heart sank

And time has slipped its leash again

Are we talking about the battle of Agincourt?

The nation demands I make a gesture at this time

is a fabulous confabulist

is all the Xs, all the Os

is contemplatin’

And in your dreams did you see this?

The road to A50 just got more twisty

What’s huge if true? An elephant lie detector

Combat the wombat

is liberal with liberality

Look look look Like like like

is rolling, rocking, almost falling over

is more sneeze than person

Caffeine beating sleep; in other news crash predicted around 2pm

To the wedding!

is false space

is winning at spatio-temporal sports

and there will be dancing in the light

Thank you all for the birthday wishes – you’ve all been most kind

is transformative like a cape

Once again, the year reaches its end with its foot on the accelerator

I am the gold of the black sun

Into the valley of tissue meetings I go

dot dash dot dash

My brain would like you to know it is functioning on all of the caffeine and none of the sleep

is level 5 on the iPhone storage management game

Oh what a Monday-ish Monday

is seeking the end of the mountain

I appear to have lost the ability to comb my hair

One more deadline

Merry Christmas ya filthy animals

has cooked eggs royale and carbonara today, and now will be asleep if you need him

I have a cat on my lap, a glass of Nyetimber and a book of poetry. 2016 ends well indeed. Happy New Year y’all

Someone left the office air con on ‘chill’ over the holidays

January – meh made real


Friday, October 07, 2016

National Poetry Day 2016: BBC Local Poets

Yesterday was the second busiest day of the year for poets (the first is, of course, Valentine's Day). I played my own small part, by being a wee cog in the wonderful Local Poets project that the BBC organised for the day. 40 poets matched to their respect BBC local radio station gave voice to an object that represented the area.

You can hear my tribute to London's Underground map, and I was on BBC Radio London in the evening talking about it (from 2h 51m).

I also popped up on BBC Asian Network to read another poem (from 2h 46m).

And you can hear all the other local poems here.

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Tuesday, October 04, 2016

Listorama: Facebook status updates vol 44

BetaRish is...

Day 4 of the Great National Unravelling, and that smell in the air is that of singed fur as the Elite Reverse Ferret begins!

Oh cold lonely rock in the sea

On for plans

Today’s narrative features resignation as commonplace jeopardy

woke up with an overwhelming desire to catalogue everything

Forms and plans, plans and forms

has run out of runes to read and sooths to say

A faff is as good as a rest

Pokemon never started

would like to be apricating

shook a tailfeather, and it fell off

Sun transit gloria

has the summer cold blues

Too much looking, not enough seeing

is doing the deck shoe squelch

is on the infinite list

is off to be a visionary again

Oh summer where art thou?

is working on the Master Plan, Part Deux

is putting donks on it

I am falling over myself to be balanced

In The Time of Harmony: The Golden Age Is Not In The Past, It Is In The Future

recommends chicken wings for pudding

is forever for ever

is all the glorious trivialities

is dipping for victory

is all the stories that will ever be told

is casting pines before swirls

Hello desk, my old friend

is squeezing the last pips of summer

The glance is all

ooh, proper back to school weather

supposes one has to

The beat goes on, elsewhere

is a tendency

is late, is early, is intense

And the bold, what do they do next?

tiltin’ wiltin’

Data data everywhere and far too much to think

is an unwilling victim of the supposed mercy of systems

is an engine of progress, wheezing slightly on the hard shoulder

is the story next to the story

is a member of The Obvious Club

If the centre cannot hold, why is my stomach growing?

Wanted – only good words today

is an outrider

is on a smackdown crackdown

is having a dalliance with tiredness


Saturday, June 25, 2016

Listorama: Facebook status updates vol 43

"BetaRish is..."

**deep breaths**

**armour donned again**

Gossip is my fuel

The claims are demanding to be verified

The curse doesn’t count

needs to become adept at fighting in circles

knows which side he’s on in Carbonaragate

is bedraggled by boondoggles

is failing to get into gear

is in the belly of an octopus

wasn’t ready to shed a layer

I hate the signs of these times

Last night I dreamt I was playing in the Cup Final. For Crystal Palace. With teammates Kirsty Wear and Keren Eldad

gotta dance

My phrases come in phases

is an expert in Foxball

is keeping on

It is a cliché, but no less true for it. In extremis, when you need it, the NHS is amazing

Dilly-ding, dilly-dong is my new jam

is trying to ge back in harness

in glory is everything and nothing

is throwing shade

is flamboyant in his inertia

On it, off it, on it again

Click on, click off

is a product of print

Oh for the Holy Roman Empire

Power is as power does

slack me bae

is on patrol

All the cocktails, ow

on belief, and other inconveniences

Oh nice June weather I miss you

Yes, but does it work in theory?

is rigorously un-rigorous

The data flows are breaking

is doing the whole bare feet in the office thing

is doing that thing he does

is aesthetically yours

is asking you

is marking the sand

This is George vs the dragon, innit?

A great tribute to Jo Cox would be if we in the UK took in more refugees from Syria

Vote Leave for this permanent winter to stay

is a monograph

I used to be a fundamentalist, but now I’m not so sure

Vote early, vote often, vote…

There’ll always be an England. An EU not so much


Saturday, April 02, 2016

Listorama: Facebook status updates vol 42

BetaRish is...

Right, into battle again

I have all the jargon, but no words

Could be Austerlitz today, could be Trafalgar

This glimmer could be the Hundred Days

Cold hands, cold words

is looking at life through a bigger screen

Off we go again

needs to invent a new category

He’s back; we’re waiting to see what he does next

Yes, I’m bored of me ranting too

Here we go again

Don’t want to jinx it, but might have escaped

What is balance?

is deghosting

When a wink becomes a twitch

will win this week

is in the mitigation space

Pitch pitch, pitch pitch

is a modern form of hysteria

will predict the future tomorrow

has a care for your soul

would really like to live in a screwball comedy

Plans are probably provisional. Plays palava with professionalism

is ‘Reality+’

is difference splitting

To take poetry seriously is to be ridiculous; but to treat poetry as ridiculous is to not take yourself seriously

Here we go, on we go, off we go, go go go

The leap is all

will cuddle dragons today

is how we chill in ‘93

The world is my book

is deconstructing deconstruction

So, to run up the energy peak again

is swooning at balloonists

is dividing the final part in two

Lit crit makes you hip to the trip before you zip, you dig?

Make it, break it, fix it, go

I assume that the assumptions are the assumptions

Pep-to Fussball gives the Old Lady heartburn

The future of money requires time as a sacrifice

Pay with a Poet day

is abstracted

will shill for Giphy

is A/B testing his life

Start again, again

Glory > power

Juggle is the struggle

*’vent about clients’ post*. And yes, I am breathing deeply


Monday, January 18, 2016

Listorama: Facebook status updates vol 41

BetaRish is...

Happy National Poetry Day! / As all the poets say / And when their rhymes run dry / They lie down and have a cry

is spinning his wheels

knows there’s a tickle there

is waiting for controllable heat

is the meaning

What if the future doesn’t arrive tomorrow?

is worth 1.21 jigawatts

is missing playtime

might have over-solved his hunger problem this morning

is back at the digital coalface, undertaking his eternal task, attempting to fill infinity

So apparently, infinity still needs filling!

The dance is always on the edge of ending, and starting again

Take it up? Or bring it down?

How you doin’?

is all swing tags and racing rhythms

is both scandal and crisis

The schismatic numismatics are frantic with antic panics

But what of the beginning?

Doesn’t have a most used word

And the wolf said, “What every month? That’s a bit of a chore.”

What’s all this then?

is eight lines and a turn

says “Delayed emails are prophetic”

is just no then yes

Thank you so much for all your birthday wishes and good cheer. You’re all marvellous

is the king of his destiny

is concepting around the concept of concepts

is an inuksuk

Build, build and build again

London is coloured grey today

is a self-facilitating node in the link verse

The floor awakens

Really, truly, most sincerely, wishes the year was over already

The rush continues

is hand-working his angst about capitalism, for that true socio-economic artisanal flavour

is putting his faith in the motherlode

Happy Christmas vibes!

Lovely to plot and scheme for 2016 and beyond with Nathalie Teitler

Happy New Year from me. A growl from my back. Ow

The canal is quiet this morning; my desk is less so

Meetings are beating me down

Still incoming!

is still missing his fountain pen

The Starman ascends

The break is broken

And on we go

Shoot crazy

If anyone can advise of a career where one doesn’t come into contact with megalomanical blowhards as clients, I’d be very grateful